Learn the best ways to end your kids' rivalry to ensure a peaceful home.
Nearly all parents would concur that even if there is laughter and the children are playing nicely, disagreements or tears are likely to follow soon after. So what causes this rivalry among siblings? We will uncover the truth of the matter and discuss ideas that have been shown to be effective. These methods will definitely work for you if you remain diligent.
Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is the competition or hostility occurring between siblings. In reality, we all desire for our children to possess kindness with one another. In fact, people went as far as creating National Siblings Day to honor the bond between siblings and their companionship because a sibling connection is a unique type of connection. Despite that, sibling rivalry is still very common. However, luckily, there are ways to assist your children to cease their quarrels, start bonding, and become friends.
What Causes Siblings To Have Disagreements?
Parents have always been discussing the issue of children fighting. Indeed, it is a long-standing issue that parents have been dealing with, and there are numerous factors contributing to it.
- Boredom:
Is boredom a problem? Are your children keeping themselves occupied? Are you assigning tasks suitable for their age? Are they planning to go outside and play? Are they dedicating time to play without screens? Easily bored children are frequently fatigued, annoyed, and seeking activities to keep themselves occupied (even if it leads to disagreements).
- Seeking Your Attention:
A child might perceive a lack of attention from you, but this issue can be resolved promptly and effortlessly. Allocate approximately 20 minutes of individualized attention to each child on a daily basis.
- Birth Order:
This can influence the dynamics of decision-making within a family, as the older child may feel entitled to choose activities or toys while the younger child may also assert their preference due to their age. Frequently, with children who are close in age, sibling competition tends to be more intense during their early years.
- Personality:
One child may be laid-back, while another may be more rigid in their habits.
- They Believe It Is Okay:
Be sure to clarify that hitting, yelling, biting, taking things, etc. aren't tolerated and won't be taken. Convene a family gathering to provide an explanation and instruct them on methods to peacefully solve the conflict. Practice and discuss it frequently: "We show kindness to one another when requesting something”.
- Pressure In Your Child's Experiences:
This includes exam stress, school pressures, friendships, etc. Children go through stress like adults.
How Do You Stop Sibling Rivalry
It's crucial to teach our kids how important it is to support, value, and have the backs of each other. We want them to have a good time together without reporting each other to us. All of these possibilities exist. We can stop the fighting in these ways:
1. Empathy
Many conflicts arise from the desire for recognition. When a child tells his or her mother, "Mom, someone grabbed my pencil”, instead of saying our instinctual response “Stop being a snitch”, we should simply show empathy, "Oh, she snatched your pen? That possibly hurt you.” They simply desire to feel appreciated. And does this work? Yes, it certainly does. You will witness a significant change in your children. Simply connect with them, hear them out, and show empathy. They should settle the rest within themselves.
2. Equal Treatment Of All Individuals
You may not be present at most arguments and you may often find yourself in the position of being the one to make judgments. The issue lies in your ability to determine who said what and you have to rely on your judgment of who is telling the truth. Typically, this results in everyone suffering the repercussions (such as having to do a tedious and difficult task that they do not enjoy).
3. Remove Anything That Causes Conflict
Remove anything that causes conflict among the children. Warn your children that if they argue about something, you will confiscate it. Afterward, follow through with your words by removing the object and not returning it until the next day. Then after that, no longer give them any prior warnings before confiscating it because now they are aware of the rules. Also, anytime you hear any conflict arise, immediately address the situation and always stress the importance of not letting anything disrupt the family bond. There will be no obstacles in your relationship.
4. Remove Electronic Devices
This functions perfectly! Truly while starting out with this, it might be challenging but by the end, the children will become joyful and engaged in play, without any of them requesting their electronic devices. However, family-friendly TV shows and movies are okay as long as they are watched with someone else to share the experience, such as watching a Netflix series together at night. After that, you and the kids can play screen time cards.
5. Utilize "Put-Ups"
If one sibling criticizes another, they must also provide either a compliment or a method to uplift them. A favorable proportion is 1 to 3. If you criticize someone, make sure to follow it up with three uplifting and supportive comments to boost their confidence. Child A's words upset Child B. The parent hears it and tells Child A to give three compliments or kind words.
Child A: "You're enjoyable to play basketball with. You excel in sharing your toys. I admire your dedication and effort during baseball practice”. It may be challenging for them to come up with fresh compliments and avoid relying on generic ones like "You are nice” but they will eventually improve.
Tip: Another method for giving praise and positive sentiments is by keeping a kindness journal. Provide all of your children with a "Kindness Journal" (it is only a tiny notebook). It is a method for siblings to express kind words to each other. “Harry, you really used much effort to pedal up the hill last week. Good job!" It's easy and straightforward to carry out - they'll write an idea down every day for every sibling.
Child A: "You're enjoyable to play basketball with. You excel in sharing your toys. I admire your dedication and effort during baseball practice”. It may be challenging for them to come up with fresh compliments and avoid relying on generic ones like "You are nice” but they will eventually improve.
Tip: Another method for giving praise and positive sentiments is by keeping a kindness journal. Provide all of your children with a "Kindness Journal" (it is only a tiny notebook). It is a method for siblings to express kind words to each other. “Harry, you really used much effort to pedal up the hill last week. Good job!" It's easy and straightforward to carry out - they'll write an idea down every day for every sibling.
6. Resolve The Issue
At times, the most effective course of action is to guide our children in resolving issues on their own. If someone is being harmed, it is common to inform mom without any room for discussion thereby not allowing them to resolve the issues on their own. Provide them with the ability to address disagreements and allow them to put it into practice. When your children tell you about a problem, tell them that if they can't solve it themselves, you will intervene by either taking things away or implementing consequences for everyone.
7. Time With Each Other
Kids are devoting increasingly more time to activities that are separated by age groups. In the same vein, the size of houses has increased. Though some children still share a room, more and more kids are starting to sleep alone. Some disagreements may linger longer than necessary due to reduced conflict resolution needs and time constraints.
8. Alone Time
As you wrap up learning about spending time together, remember that your kids also require some time for themselves. Allowing your child to play independently or have some relaxation time is crucial for both your child and yourself. Providing solitude is a wonderful way to allow your children time for introspection, peace, and space to appreciate each other from a distance.
You can typically sense when they require solitude, and that is when you should provide it for them. Engaging in calm activities, such as reading or playing alone in their rooms and taking a half-hour each day to read is an ideal way for individuals to take a moment to unwind and relax in solitude. If kids are not old enough to read, drawing can be a wonderful way to express themselves.
You can typically sense when they require solitude, and that is when you should provide it for them. Engaging in calm activities, such as reading or playing alone in their rooms and taking a half-hour each day to read is an ideal way for individuals to take a moment to unwind and relax in solitude. If kids are not old enough to read, drawing can be a wonderful way to express themselves.
9. Express Appreciation And Pray Loud
It is crucial for our children to listen to us expressing gratitude. Each day, during your prayers together, express gratitude to God for the fact that your children have each other. “I am grateful for having a sibling who provides me with love and friendship, serving as a built-in best friend”: each day, speak these words aloud in the presence of our kids. Also, add their relatives to this prayer as well. Cousins, being similar to siblings, develop strong friendships, and these cousins are as tight as siblings!
Conclusion
Children enjoy meeting our expectations and behaving as we expect them to. Keep in mind that what we say shapes our child's internal dialogue. If we concentrate on the good, others will also do the same. Step up to demonstrate the validity of your words, so let it all be positive. This is a value that is very important and it will result in a positive outcome for all. With knowledge and a plan, you can tackle nearly any issue, such as dealing with troublesome children.
